The Adventure of Chocolate Legolas
by tree1
Summary: Something that evolved out of a very boring maths lesson one day. Now if the members of LotR were different types of sweets/food/etc., just what would they be... and what would happen to them? Sorry the chapters are really short! ;o)
1. The Adventure of Chocolate Legolas

The Adventure of Chocolate Legolas  
  
Disclaimer: All names etc. belong to JRR Tolkien, not me. I am doing this for fun and not making any money from it. No offence meant to jellybeans etc either.  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Chocolate Legolas (Legolas carved out of chocolate) was walking through a lettuce field (is there such a thing? oh well on with the story...) looking for the perfect lettuce leaves to make a cloak.   
  
When he had found them he got out his sewing kit and was just threading the needle when he remembered he couldn't sew. "Damn I'm gonna need to find a cloak maker." he put the leaves in his pink fluffy hand bag and started to head back.   
  
Suddenly an army of Jellybabies and Jellybeans jumped out. Legolas grabbed his mini chocolate bow, the perfect sized weapon for fighting the Jelly Army. He killed the front lines of foot jellies when he realised that he had no arrows left. Suddenly as if by magic more chocolate arrows appeared and he finished of the jellies on the jelly horses. But then came the jellies riding in the jelly tanks. Chocolate Legolas knew he couldn't kill the tanks so he ran to hide. Then a Giant Jelly eater came through the trees and started eating all the jelly tanks and people and beans etc.   
  
Just when Chocolate Legolas thought it was safe to come out, a huge gang of Wild Legolas Fans ran after him. "Legolas! Legolas! Legolas! Legolas!!!" they screamed "Eek!!!! oh no its a Wild Legolas Fan Group!!!!!! oh help me! help me help me!!!" yelled Legolas as he ran.   
  
Eventually he found a hiding place and to his relief the Wild Legolas Fans lost his trail. he was walked passed a parliament building thing on his way to the cafe when he saw Thousands of jellies protesting! some of the signs they had said "Rights for Jelly Creatures" and "Down with Giant Jelly eaters and Chocolate Legolas" "Eek!" yelled Legolas and he ran in the opposite direction.   
  
The sun was very hot and Chocolate Legolas started to melt... 


	2. Chapter 2

The Adventure of Chocolate Legolas  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Chocolate Legolas woke up in a Giant Fridge. He sat up and looked around, he was in a bed among the vegetables and cheese that were also being looked after in the Hospital. A man carved out of sugar cane and a woman carved out of a carrot stood beside the bed.   
  
"Who are you?" asked Legolas.  
  
"I am Sugarcane Aragorn son of Sugarcane Arathorn, I have many names. Like Trifle as I am known to the Cheese Village of Brie and... and this is my wife Carrot Arwen." the man said. "You were out in the sun to long and you had started to melt by the time we had found you!"  
  
"Oh right! err you don't know where I can find a cloak maker do you?"  
  
"No they have all gone over seas remember? When the cloak eaters ruined their cloaks!"  
  
"Ah yes I remember now! Now where am I gonna find a cloak maker?"  
  
"Over seas!" said Carrot Arwen.  
  
"I know some friends who can help you!" said Aragorn.  
  
A few days later Chocolate Legolas was ready to leave and he set out with Sugarcane Aragorn to find their friends. Their journey was very scary. They were chased by Jellybeans and Wild Legolas Fans which had now joined forces and where even scarier than before! but they survived and soon met their friends in an abandoned pot. 


	3. Chapter 3

The Adventure of Chocolate Legolas  
  
Chapter 3  
  
"Hello Chocolate Legolas, Sugarcane Aragorn! long time no see!" said the four marshmallows (Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin) "what can we do for you?"  
  
"We need to find a cloak maker" said Legolas.  
  
"But they have gone overseas!" said the potato (Gimli).  
  
"Yes I know!!!" said a very annoyed Chocolate Legolas.  
  
"We'll help you find one!!" said Pippin.  
  
"We shall be the "Fellowship of the Food that are looking for Cloak makers and trying to hide from Jellybeans and Wild Legolas Fan armies at the same time" ok that's a bit long maybe just "The Group"!" said a stick celery(Gandalf).  
  
"We will be off then," said Aragorn.  
  
The Group wandered far and wide. after going round and round in circles for several hours they came to a cafe, where a group of Hamburgers where complaining about the similarities between them and the food on sale. Hamburgers are a bit dumb! Once inside celery Gandalf pulled out a map, which was actually a photo of his celery dog, and pointed randomly around the picture pointing out where they had to go which to everyone else looked like down the dog's throat. 


	4. Chapter 4

The Adventure of Chocolate Legolas  
  
Chapter 4  
  
After lunch The Group made their way across Middle-Dinner Table. The journey was long and hard and Chocolate Legolas wished he had never decided to make a cloak. why were cloak makers so hard to find? they fought many battles and killed many Jelly Armies just so he could get a new cloak.   
  
Several months later they arrived in on the west coast where the Dudey People lived. the Dudey people where friends of the elf-dudes and the cloak makers and knew a way to find them.  
  
"The only way to find the cloak makers," said a talking Hot Dog, "Is to sail across the Coca cola ocean to the Uneating Lands."  
  
This Hot Dog was Faramir, son of Hot Dog Denethor. Faramir was the ruler of the Dudey people and was generally an all round good guy.  
  
"But we don't have a boat!" said Chocolate Legolas.  
  
"I will lend you my favourite ship. It is "Eclair", Queen of the Sea!" said Faramir.  
  
So The Group and Hot Dog Faramir set off to the cupboard where "Eclair" was stored.  
  
When Chocolate Legolas saw "Eclair" he was surprised to say the least. "Eclair" was literally an Eclair, right down to the chocolate on the top.  
  
The Group stood staring in awe at the randomness of their ship and in shock when they realised Sam was on top stuffing his face full of chocolate and cream, leaving only the cake bit. 


	5. Chapter 5

The Adventures of Chocolate Legolas  
  
Chapter 5  
  
"You ruined my ship!!!" yelled Hot Dog Faramir. "I will never forgive you for this!"   
  
Faramir had been yelling at Sam for what seemed like hours. Everyone stood in silence watching as the fuming Hot Dog, ketchup dripping off him as he shook with rage, yelled his little sausage head off at Sam.   
  
"I am so so so so so so so so so very very very very sorry Mr Faramir Sir" said Sam in his sweetest voice. "Please, if you can find it in your little sausage heart to forgive me then I will be ever in your debt."   
  
Now normally Faramir would not have agreed but being the nice little Hot Dog he is, he decided to forgive the little marshmallow. Then someone shouted "Group Hug!" and they all were friends again. Then they all went home for tea and crumpets before getting into their little cosy beds wearing their little bunny pyjamas.   
  
The next morning they got up very early as Hot Dog Faramir had set their alarm clocks for 4 in the morning. This almost got him killed by Chocolate Legolas who was complaining about not having enough beauty sleep. Eventually they were ready to leave Middle-Dinner Plate and they said good bye to Faramir before they set off in their little Eclair across the Coca Cola Sea. 


	6. Chapter 6

The Adventure of Chocolate Legolas  
  
Chapter 6  
  
Chocolate Legolas looked around at the vast ocean of coca cola that filled his sight. They had been sailing for three days and there was no sight of land. Everyone else was asleep and he felt lonely. Legolas began to hum at tune and then he began to sing as he looked at his reflection in the water.  
  
There once was a lonely little elf  
  
His friends had all gone to sleep  
  
So there he was sitting by himself  
  
Not falling into a very deep sleep  
  
He looked at the stars but they seemed to mock him  
  
He looked to the moon but it went away behind a cloud  
  
He looked to the trees to sing to him and they stuck out a limb  
  
He started to chant, not very loud  
  
It was a song he had learned when he was a wee chocolate button growing up in Mirkwood. He stopped singing for a minute or two when he saw Aragorn coming towards him. Then he began again:  
  
Aragorn awoke to this strange little song  
  
And looked at the elf as if it were mad  
  
He was about to hit the elf with a very large gong  
  
As if he was a very angry dad  
  
Aragorn looked at the chocolate elf like he was mad but let it go and went to watch the Strawberry sun rise into the early morning sky. 


	7. Chapter 7

The Adventure of Chocolate Legolas  
  
Chapter 7  
  
About a month later The Group arrived on the east coast of the Uneating Lands. The Strawberry sun shone brightly and a huge group of people turned up to meet them. There were Elf dudes and Cloak makers! At last Chocolate Legolas could get his cloak made. But things would take longer than he thought. One of the Elf dudes came forward and asked The Group to follow him to a huge house on a hill. Here dwelt Manwë, chief of the Wine Gums.   
  
Manwë stood up and looked at the group of people in front of him. To him they seemed an unlikely group of friends but he let it go and began to question them.  
  
"I am Manwë and I ask you." he spoke in a very educated voice as he pointed at Legolas. "What is your name and your errand?"  
  
"Ch..Ch..Chocolate L..L..Legolas, Sir." Legolas took a deep breath and continued, "I come in search of Cloak Makers as I am in need of a new one." he held up a small piece of brown material which was barely big enough to cover his hand let alone his whole body.   
  
"Very well, Chocolate Legolas. You and your friends may stay in the Uneating Lands as long as you need but you may be required to return the favour if I see necessary. You may go now." Manwë clapped his hands and a trapdoor opened beneath their feet.  
  
The trapdoor turned out to be a water slide back to the Village. The Group's screams of terror quickly changed to yells of delight and soon they landed in a heap at the bottom, wet through and Chocolate Legolas was still laughing his little chocolate head off five hours later. 


	8. Chapter 8

The Adventure of Chocolate Legolas  
  
Chapter 8  
  
Chocolate Legolas was sunbathing on the beach, dreaming of walking in a forest with his new cloak which the cloak makers were making, when suddenly Manwë chief of the Wine Gums' voice rang out throughout the Village.  
  
"Chocolate Legolas! Get your chocolate covered ass up to my house! I have a suicidal mission for you."  
  
Shaking like a leaf, Legolas got to his feet and very, very, very, slowly made his way there. on his way even snails overtook him and sped on up the hill leaving Chocolate Legolas in their wake.   
  
When at last he reached the Big House he was greeted by several grim reapers standing guard at the gate. Blinking a couple of times he noticed that they were really guards, just nice normal guards with blood dripping from their mouths.   
  
"Ahhhhh! Screamed Legolas, and he ran through the door.   
  
"Prince Legolas of the Chocolate realm of Mirkwood in Middle-Dinner Plate."   
  
Jeez! What a mouthful! I need to get a shorter name. Thought Legolas as Manwë continued to speak, "You have come to collect your mission." When Manwë said that last word the room went dark and a green light shone from underneath his chair. Legolas turned to leave but the doors slammed in his face and a strange evil laugh rang out as figures started to emberdge from the many millions of doors around the room.   
  
"Behold! My Army!" Manwë choked in his laughter and his true self was revealed. There was a bright pink flash and in his place stood Sauron, Lord of the Apples.   
  
Chocolate Legolas found himself surrounded by Wild Legolas Fans and Jelly Creatures. There was no way out. 


	9. Chapter 9

The Adventure of Chocolate Legolas  
  
Chapter 9  
  
Chocolate Legolas looked at the army advancing around him. Suddenly his training to be a little Chocolate Button Warrior in Mirkwood came back to him. He started fighting the army Matrix style while simultaneously shooting whoever came near him with his little chocolate bow Equilibrium style (but with a bow and arrow instead of a machine gun of course!). Very soon most of the army was destroyed and the rest had gone off to make fairy cakes in the kitchen. Legolas was left facing Manwë err I mean Sauron.   
  
"So Chocolate Legolas. We meet again." Came his menacing voice.  
  
"Yeah hi!" said Legolas   
  
Suddenly Legolas found himself backed against a wall. Sauron threw a few daggers at him but they missed by about five feet and succeeded in breaking the window. Sauron pointed at him and Legolas found his arms tied behind his back with about one hundred tiny spiders coming towards him. Chocolate Legolas shuddered, he didn't like spiders. He knew this must be some tactic of Sauron to get him to talk.  
  
"You expect me to talk?" he said  
  
"No Mr Greenleaf! I expect you to die!" Legolas suddenly realised how this conversation was beginning to sound much like a certain film he remembered watching a long time ago at his home in Mirkwood, before all of this had happened.   
  
Just when Chocolate Legolas was beginning to think it was all over for him, Aragorn, Gimli, Gandalf and the hobbits swung through the window on jungle vines. They all brandished swords and soon Sauron was tied up in the middle of the floor looking at them. Gandalf raised his staff and turned the Dark Lord into a rabbit which hopped happily way. 


	10. Chapter 10

The Adventure of Chocolate Legolas  
  
Note: This is the final chapter of Chocolate Legolas. There is a sequel to come though  
  
Chapter 10  
  
They all joined hands like a little paper doll chain and walked out on to the balcony. Below them stood several hundreds of people big and small, fat and thin. Tall, round, purple and blue. The crowd cheered and threw flowers up at The Group. Chocolate Legolas smiled, life was good again.   
  
When they came down balloons and confetti fell from the sky and a huge party started. The was all types of food from miniature Chocolate Legolas to fairy cakes made by the Wild Legolas Fans. A band in the corner was playing three different songs at the same time and to Legolas this sounded just beautiful. There was ballet dancing frogs and flying cats. Everyone was happy and it seemed like the perfect end to a great adventure but something was missing. His Lettuce Leaf Cloak! Chocolate Legolas looked high and low for it, under mugs and glasses and over tables. He looked under the clouds and over the Strawberry Sun. He could not find it anywhere. By the end of the party Legolas was a very sad chocolate elf. He believed his cloak was lost for ever.  
  
But to his surprise Sugarcane Aragorn handed him a parcel. Inside was the most beautiful cloak he had seen. His Lettuce leaf Cloak. He put it on straight away and began to give a very long Oscar speech which succeeded in putting everyone to sleep. Much later Chocolate Legolas was looking out at the Melon Moon and he sighed. His adventure was over. But unknown to him was that another adventure would be just around the corner.  
  
...THE END (or is it......) 


End file.
